We hope that you all enjoyed the breakfast yesterday morning and gained some new skills in negotiation from our guest speaker, James Glenn.

James theatrical start really ensured that the message would be remembered.  To help reinforce what he spoke about here is some information from James that may help you…

There are times when the behaviour of other people is unacceptable. Sometimes we pass comment upon their actions, at other times we’re reluctant to do so, letting inappropriate conduct slide or holding our tongue for 3 reasons – (a) we feel uncomfortable; (b) we don’t know what to say; or (c) we tell ourselves the outcome isn’t worth the risk of getting it wrong. 

This is not what skilled negotiators nor leaders do.

What makes them different? How do they manage their own actions, commanding others to deliver high standards of professional behaviour, both inside and outside their own organisations?

When a colleague does something wrong, skilled negotiators experience the same feelings as you or I. They feel disappointed, frustrated or upset, even angry, just like us. But they don’t show it. They know outbursts at work spell disaster, damaging reputations, marking us as emotionally immature and reducing peer respect. Emotional explosions are avoided at all costs.

How does a skilled negotiator respond when others push too far?

Firmly, tell others to behave… like this

They express emotions appropriately, commanding the other person to perform a task or process differently, all the time appearing calm and in control. They’ve learnt to apply some very simple techniques.

Your feelings are internal and that’s the best place to deal with them – for the moment. Do not let negative feelings escape. I work very hard to contain mine being expressed in a professional situation for one reason – it helps me to win. If I sense myself becoming exasperated, frustrated or angry about a situation, here’s what I do. 

I blink. 

Literally. For a split second, I draw focus back into myself and allow my internal voice to say, “This person is a cretin,” or something stronger. Use any expression that helps you vent feelings internally and quickly move on. 

Then I blink again, re-focus on their eyes and breathe out. My breathing is measured, my voice calm, deeper in pitch. I become very, very determined. Nothing stops me stating what he/she is now going to do. I have practised this pre-technique routine until it works every time in dealing with negative emotions in any setting. Any fears of appearing slightly intimidating (not my intention) are offset by the increased attention of other person. Now I’m ready to use a simple 5-step technique: 

Speak From The Head 

Let’s use the example of someone who is habitually late for a meeting. It’s a low level conflict situation, but one that everyone can relate to, and for many readers, one which you can apply immediately. The bold text is the constant principle and the regular italic type relates to this specific example. Say the following: 

        When you are late for our meeting,
        The effect is destabilising upon other members of our team.
        This issue is important.
        What do you think?
        Instead, I would like you to arrive ready to begin our meeting
        at 9 o’clock. 

The first step identifies their behaviour – literally, the person is late in attending the meeting. State facts only – do not go into opinions or add other material. 

The second step describes the impact of their behaviour, linking cause and effect – i.e. as a result of “this” we get “that”. 

The third step confirms you’re serious. 

The fourth step engages the other person and asks for their input, a key step to gaining their commitment to any outcome. It gives them a chance to explain their actions. {Despite being “habitually late”, they may have a genuine reason for being late on this occasion.}

The fifth step allows you to re-direct their behaviour. Remember, you want them to act, not respond further – make your short statement after the discussion.
 
An effective mantra

Speak From The Head is a simple mantra that allows you to control your feelings. Linking cause-and-effect makes it easier for the listener to understand what they’ve done. It’s short, so you can remember it, and they get the message without becoming distracted or defensive.

It allows you to assert yourself with dignity.

This technique offers so many benefits… here are a few to consider:

        *  It feels good to control our emotions and not lose it in the heat of the moment. By the way, if you still hold negative feelings, get out of the environment. Go somewhere private and debrief. Speak out the emotions you feel, breathe deeply, and conclude by telling yourself that you’ve resolved the issue.
 
        *  When emotions rise, you only need remember 14 words (the ones in bold type). That’s efficient. And easy to do.

        *  If you feel uncomfortable with conflict (and many people do), acknowledge your achievement in having the courage to speak up about something, given the nature of the other person and the situation.

        *  Your partner is much more likely to listen to what you’re saying and less likely to defend their actions. This reduction in tension allows them to engage in talking with you. The effect upon the listener can be profound, as participants at our Negotiation Seminars often discover. {We’ll show how to leverage this technique even further and how to respond if your partner becomes evasive or dismissive.}

        *  You build stronger relationships by reinforcing acceptable standards of behaviour. Remember the teachers you most respected in school? They were the ones who consistently demanded excellence of you. The same lesson applies in our working lives, too.

        *  Others notice your actions and evaluate your performance more favourably.

It’s just one of the techniques to positively modify behaviour in our Negotiation Seminars to get what you want. If you practise this technique you’ll soon discover it flows easily.

Professional life often challenges our own conduct. Speak From The Head enables you to manage your own emotional behaviour first, before managing the other person’s behaviour to re-direct more effective outcomes – for you, the other person and the organisation.

For more information check out www.negotiationbeyondconflict.com